Sometimes, the needs that people have are obvious. Other needs are more difficult to pinpoint. Often behavior signals a need in someone’s life, but it may still be a challenge to link that signal to the correct need.
Inappropriate behavior masks an underlying need. The inappropriate behavior could be a cry for help.
Behavioral experts tell us that when a person engages in behavior that is wrong or inappropriate, whether it is mischief or even criminal, it is because he was seeking to meet some need that he had, and he made a poor choice in how to go about it. (Shah, 2013)
A person’s needs drive him to take action to try to meet those needs. If a person does not find Jesus, he may turn to temporary substitutes that don’t offer real satisfaction. He may try to fill the emptiness with entertainment, drugs and alcohol, money, career, comfort food, false religion, or immoral relationships.
Focus on the Other Person
Jesus made each encounter about them and where they were in life, not about Himself: “What are you looking for? [And what is it you wish?].” Instead of having His own personal agenda for each encounter, he tailored each encounter to the individual, his or her needs and his or her desires.
“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to be able to see.”—Mark 10:51 (NIRV)
In that moment, He became their best friend, taking on their goals as His own, walking alongside them to help them achieve what they most needed and desired.
*“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”—Philippians 2:4 (NKJV) *
*“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”—Galatians 6:2 (NKJV) *
Have No Agenda
In the same way, we must be careful not to have a predetermined agenda of our own for our encounters with people.
In the Church, we’ve done city-wide outreach backward. We’ve had our method of outreach, and we’ve tried to impose it on the city, as if whatever we offered should fit its situation, requiring the city to conform to what we offered instead of finding out what the needs were and then designing our outreach to meet those needs.
A better model would be this:
- Build relationships.
- Find out what people need; what would benefit them.
- Then design the outreach to fit that need.
Two basic motivations can guide us in our dealings with people: we can either love them or use them. People have an innate ability to detect which motivation is guiding us.
If we come into an encounter with an agenda, trying to steer a person in a particular direction, like a salesman trying to “close the deal,” people will sense that we do not really love them.
They will sense that we are just using them for our own purposes, and they will resist, putting up a wall of protection against our selfish agenda. They will back off and retreat, fortifying their defenses and possibly retaliating, like an army defending itself against an unwelcome force invading its territory.
With Unselfish Love
Jesus’ approach was different. He had no selfish motivation. He had no selfish agenda. The Apostle Paul echoed Jesus’ selfless motivation:
“And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved. But be that as it may, I did not burden you…. Did I take advantage of you by any of those whom I sent to you? I urged Titus, and sent our brother with him. Did Titus take advantage of you? Did we not walk in the same spirit? Did we not walk in the same steps? …But we do all things, beloved, for your edification.”—2 Corinthians 12:15–19 (NKJV)
People sensed that Jesus had no other motivation but a pure, unselfish love for them and a willingness to meet their deepest needs and desires; and they responded by opening up to Him and crying out to Him to meet the needs they had. The love He expressed was so attractive to them that they followed Him by the hundreds and thousands wherever He went.
Reference:
Shah, Suraj (2013, March 31). Understanding inappropriate behaviour. Retrieved from Live with loss: http://livewithloss.com/inappropriate/
